Jaanipäev ja kõik, mis see tähendab ja on seotud..

Nii.

Eile oli Jaanipäev.. palju tuleb sellest rääkima, muidu lühikselt: .. sõitsin maale. Olin joonud. Grillinud. Käisin Soome lahtis pärast sauna. Eesti keeles oli kõik juhtnud. Taevas mere üle oli suurepärane. Inglise keeles ja vist rohkem eesti keeles varsi oleks kirjutanud siin, ja piltid lisanud kui leian nende kuidagi. Aga seepärast tund oleks hea magada, mäletada, unistada.

Edasi..

Niisiis..

Well well.. This is a long time coming. Again with the 'little going on though much to discuss' sort of goings on. I feel like too much and too little of my days are carried out in English.. Though likewise increasingly much and at the same time not enough in eesti keeles. I am plagued by geography.

Conversations and the relationships (that grow out of and samas ajas (at the same time) shape the oher) with eestlased (Estonians, you may recall) are warmer.. And that is the tantalizing bit. Not warm enough to feel comfortable here or to propose to myself committing for a longer period or even say I have a steady set of faces to lock into, but it is the half-working-heated-kitchen-floor equivalent of social acceptance. I do crave a return, the warm rush of being around friends I deeply miss. I do also become distracted by intrigue.. Five minutes of successful conversation and a fleeting connection is enthralling.

A few weeks ago I, at least in mental decision, recommitted myself to coming back (again). Sit back and see how this goes; I'm back to the 'nothing definite' equilibrium.. Though I am feeling a bit hungry for written progress. Academic something-something. Provoking mental work. This will sometime consist of taking the GRE, LSAT and-or FSOT sometime upon returning.. Sometime. I'm currently aiming for September/Octoberish. As usual, the Migratsiooniamet could still at any time bash away all of these plans with their impending decision (I'm assuming, which has always been the brother-mother-any other sucker of fuck-ups, this comes before 20 juuli). Having the Fulbright carry through would also sway and romance me.. Though for now and until a non-alternate Fulbrighter breaks their ankles, this is pipe material.

I'm keeping an eye out for GS Department e-mails containing mention of any sort of provoking job in the Cities and at the same time a finger on the (unfortunately) steady trajectory of tickets back home. It feels like anything could really make or break the state of affairs. In the meantime, I pull myself a pint of Palmse tume in the evening from the café.

Traveling will be making its way into the sights soon as well.. Though the thought of money flowing out and not in is for various reasons not the most self-encouraging prospect. Mõned (a few) top-quality couchers Leedust (from Lithuania) have somewhat convinced me to add that to a list of places to visit, and one that should cross into the 'traveled' category in short order. Even hitch-hiking here, they made it in close to six hours from Kaunas. Just feels like something I need to do, given how simple it seems. I have a penchant for not being felt up by Baltic Russian truck drivers however, so I might keep to the inter-state bus system. Rising up to northern Finland with an auto is also a taiesti (absolutely) entrancing thought and hopefully, in near time, plan.

Head Jaanipäeva kõigile.. Take in this side of the sun while it shines and expect the same when it submerges on the other side of the solstice.

Вперёд, edasi..

Swirling..

Well done, Amsterdam.

The glinting bursts of culture and intermix, comfortably unannounced and revising intrigue. Not merely an external to the city, more an imbibed mass flowing amongst itself. Though flow requires an outlet to refresh and revive.. something which seems to suffocate in the East. Control, or attempts at such, remain firmly embedded. Fear of a brimming over pervade, and thus the levels kept unnaturally low. The West brings about a surge, however.. the possibility of overreaching its boundaries reduced to a subconscious admission of 'probable'.. a 'more than likely' and is, as such, inherently self-managed in an absence of paranoia against change and shift.

So grand when your first instinct following extensive travel is to start searching вновь through tickets online, straight away from the door. Says a bit as well about the relationship towards the place where you reside.. especially when the arrangement remains 'towards' and not fully 'with.' Looking at that combination, I might go as far as to lay the foundations for a traveling summer, culminating in a ticker-tape return home to the Cities early in the fall. Once more I have felt totally revitalized being in a place that surrounds and enfolds in an openness; where initial friendliness is not required to be sought or fought for.

It's always a constant search for clarity.. though often muddled more than necessary. All that remains is facing forward, keeping steady through it all and coming around to what you identify as sustaining. Sustainment as separate from a fixed state, and allowing change and transformation in itself.. just locating and holding close an equilibrium.

Watch for more GRE, LSAT, and FSOT words soon slipping into appearance as groundwork becomes laid. A breath, and..

Edasi, вперёд..