Затуманенно (while being obscured by mist)..

Nii.. a great shift is drawing closer, though it feels as my awareness of it dims with every day nearer. When plans become more finalized and the event itself is realized in fuller detail.. it stirs near-disbelief. Which is distracting in itself.. as, shit!, there's a wide array of things to set up and finalize things in greater form as time progresses. I feel that too much time is caught in a circular tide; thinking how amazing and different things will be in such a short time, and in that all of the things which necessarily follow (i.e. shipping, packing, job, living) arise to consciousness.. and just as quickly seem as if a dream. In questioning the reality of everything finally 'happening,' I get caught up in excitement at its mere occurrence. I suppose in straight American English, what I'm attempting to carry across is, 'It's about time to get the fuck up on top of that shit!'

At the same time it's incredibly odd, as developments that I've been waiting on for months here have just started coming through which in effect actually legitimize my presence and incur the opposite of 'up and moving out.' I picked up my ID-kaart from the wretched Migration Board a week ago, and with it came my Isiku kood; basically a less secret Eesti Social Security code. With it, I've signed a form and am covered by the national (universal!) health insurance, I'm to sign a 'work contract' soon (ha.. ha.. mm.. about that..), just got paid legally through my bank account (continuing an economic diet of rice, with this, becomes all the more necessary thanks to 24% now claimed by taxes).. things are setting and solidifying at the same time that I am moving towards loosening and detachment. It feels ironic, though at the same time it feels right. I've recently been able to admit and see for what it is how lonely it is living here, with few if any possibilities for constant and fulfilling friendships on the horizon. Even shifting away from just looking at the present and gaging the coming months, it's much simpler to justify a 'yes' decision to moving back. It already feels like fall here, which I enjoy, and excites me further to simmer myself soon in the Minnesota version of it. The days are shorter (which started by the realization that, wait, there is a night!), it drops to sub 10C at night (perfect for kampsunid (sweaters) and hoodies! Yeeahhh North!), and.. generally.. reminds that the summer is closing out and more Radioheadish months approach. If I made it through spring and summer semi-adequately with a short supply of comrades (most, even, of whom are likewise leaving for various places in a month), I don't see anything exhilarating in putting myself through the coming dark days without the close company of great friends. I know I could do it, and the challenge of it is the only thing that preserves the faint possibility of residing here, though when the mere addiction to challenge is filtered from the point of here, exceedingly little remains to tip or shake the scale. No need to deny myself a positive thing and a strong step forward!

With that, less than five weeks remain until I'm arm in arm with friends and stouts on patios under goldening leaves!

That is, if Russia refrains from massing troops up to take back Narva (the border city with a sister castle to the Russian side). I've got to say, living in an ex-Soviet Republic at a time like this makes one a bit giddy. The unfortunate effect of having to work for rent comes between myself and departing here on a massive enjoyable political romp, though I'll try to stretch out the fingers and dust off the keyboard to take that on here in the next 12 hours or so. 'Soiuuuuz nerushimiy, respuuuubliikk svobonikh..'!!..

Ah, here's a tip of the hat and a cheer's to Ian's blog (Magyarishness off to your left there) with a great propaganda map that I stumbled over.. the Russian title reads 'Map of Our People for Children,' and details all areas that may be, in effect, classified as 'Russian.' I'm just waiting for the RF to fill in the gaps again..

Edasi, вперёд..