Рржжжжшшшшщщщщ.. or, 'Lá metamophose de Mister Chat'

How else to put it.. It's a double shower, double glass of wine sort of day.

What leads to this sort of realization is somewhat irrelevant. Everything leads to everything.. yes, a shitty cop-out, though in the grand scheme of things and the first sip of this second glass and with no pressure to elaborate, I deem it adequate.

Not to have to quote John Mayer lyrics (I hope he plagiarized these words, especially given the context), though, 'I feel a quarter-life crisis just a'stirring in my soul.'

I felt close to walking out of work today. Nothing exceptionally dramatic precluded it, minus the usual bullshit of dealing with hordes of middle-aged women as customers (no offense to any innocent intakers of this post, though given this sampling, fucking worse than underslept 5 year old children) and high-school aged, pre-high-school mentality co-(used liberally)-workers (likewise). To disclaim: this only describes about 80% of those I work with and if need be, I could identify a good .. four or five who are upstanding members of society. That might be one of my current sources of contention, though let's just move onwards.

Strangely, it's not the place that seems to be stirring up these inexplicables. I can say that, especially today, an intensely strong missing of good friends in the States came a-surfacing. If there wasn't the distance, this post would probably not have emerged and most of its content would have been mentioned and dissipated through the bottom of Oktoberfest kegs and free salted popcorn. The strong sense of friends' absence is most likely a symptom of general realigning, and one that I can comfort myself as being short-term.

Upon getting back to the States, I've got some meetings set up. Both of them are jobs which would require Russian, something I'm going to focus on primarily in the search for employment and hold as a priority. That'll steady things a bit. Feeling.. well, feeling that I'm actually contributing something to the world would be great, though even an environment separate from the basics of service is something which is crystallizing as being intensely necessary. There is a balance somewhere, and this is not it. True enough, I'm here for the language and not the job, so I can placate the situation with that fact and strive harder to concentrate on it. However, lightly put, I'm ready for a forward switch.

For all that is and has been coming forth from this, both the positives and the negatives, I want to stress my appreciation for all situations and places involved. I don't want the blog as a whole or this post to carry forth a discouraging tone.. somewhat the total opposite, really. Though it's through these waiting periods and aggravations that the other bits really seem to shine through and sort themselves out.

Vague? Yes. Exactly.

It's the pull of momentum temporarily shrouded and impatiently puling itself through. As if in a rolling fog, comfortable in the thick, and disoriented when stumbling into lighter shades.

Metaphors are insufficient, though enough to settle with for now in light of exhaustion.

On a side note, due to what was most likely the plague (not on my end), the much awaited date of mention was postponed to the end of this week. Going on about it would only serve to uselessly lay blame on unresponsive circumstance. I'll leave digression on that about there for now, and sharpen my pencils (they number two) in prolonged anticipation. Haha.. no, really, we're going to go sketch some buildings around the city and whatnot.

Enough of the undirected disconcertedness for now. Expect some general upbeatedness and positivitiveness to come.. there's nowhere else it can go (definitely not to Iceland right now)! To maintain credentials and quote out on a more widely varied, less sexually charged, nearly excessively upbeat and lower-pop-neutral source, 'Yes, we can..'

Allllright.

Wait.. can't I just blame the financial crisis?

Edasi, вперёд..

Paper under the ink.

It's taken a while to get down on the gettin' down of writing, though here it is once more! I feel as though I am mismanaging my time of freedom (i.e. time not spent behind a counter scalding myself and any Fenno-Ugric peoples near me), though maybe I'm just settling in with having a constant lack of boredom. Actually, can't really see that being a problem anytime before I'm 92 and four months old, and that would only result from me having given up on trying to understand those dang kids and their new, year 2074 model implant Wii rock electro music guitar pool tables. Although life should also be somewhat posh for the elderly at that time. I'm thinking Werther's implants.

Between blogging, language absorption (Russian through the tele and books, eesti keel though just about everything and usually involving free beer, and now the basics of Danish), a cut-back scattering of US television, BBC, Vesti, Postimees, The Economist, Naomi Wolf, Facebook, the election, sending out CV's for a Minneapolis job, contemplating grad school, sketching for a possible architecture master's portfolio, lounge music, and whatever random shit comes about (lately, finding random pictures of bears in ridiculous fashion), my adult form of progressive ADD is somewhat satisfied. Oh, I also make dinner and sleep from time to time.

Not meant to be a complaint, in any sense. I realize that I'm absolutely comfortable with it, and yearn for more time to spend on each and every one of those things. Must be a part of maturity.. insatiably dredging up all of these random things to fill your time. Enjoyably tiring. I'm somewhat apprehensive for what'll come about once I move back to Minneapolis; getting around to spend some long-needed time with a staggeringly wide range of friends will be taking priority. Second-up will probably be bashing back into Russian, as I'm hoping to land a position downtown using that skill.

It's a facet of life that took a long time and many approaches to getting used to.. that of having to downgrade the amount of time I dedicated to friends, long time and emerging, on a daily basis. Now that I have readjusted to the limited contact and being slightly outside the 'circle' (being back in the States for a month was brilliant, I have to add, and the reconnection to a highly active society, while awkward for the first few days, was reaffirmed as a central part of me), it's going to be strange once more to fully implement a refreshed structure and system around myself.

Finding someone here to settle into that a bit more with, while it could be incredibly tough and aggravating that it would only start in close proximity for the next few months, is a definite interest of mine. I've had so many false-starts in the time I've been here (girls tend to always be unavailable and static in those positions), so it's somewhat tiring and bit of a challenge. Let's just say though, that.. barring any fucking sünnipäevad (birthdays).. neljapäev (Thursday) could be a very, very great day and I'll have much more to elaborate on in the safari for a significant other. Haha.. Now just for a pith helmet and slapping myself into a somewhat presentable appearance for these so-called date anomalies..

Onto something just as engrossing.. I officially sent in my absentee ballot a few days back! Whoo, active participation in a political system! It's also exciting being from a state where my vote is much needed. Somewhat unsettling and scary, though exciting. I've also been revving myself up as of late with Naomi Wolf's new book, Give Me Liberty. Enjoyable to read something that I have shifting and conflicting feelings toward. An important aspect of it I believe is that even though I'm not in agreement with everything written, it is meant to provoke an active debate in itself and to bring these issues to light. People are much more prone to lock themselves into one camp or another without taking in alternate views if they aren't exposed to them. That's a great part about America is that (in theory) we have the ability to do this, and from that we come up with a mutually beneficial common ground through peaceful means. It's very true that especially in the last decade, this practice has become somewhat discouraged and even forcefully downplayed. Something will reach a breaking point though, and the ability to use and actively exercise our right to freedom of speech will come back around with even greater meaning.

I've been thinking lately and writing a touch about how the Obama campaign has at least set up the beginnings of this refreshment of rights. This election is one of the most important in US history, and (though the word has been draped overenthusiastically upon almost everything in the last few months) a single change may give the possibility for a multitude of others. A constitutional element of our political system is this ability to change and transform how we engage ourselves and the world while holding onto our fundamental principles. It feels as though of late people are afraid to exercise these rights, even by merely holding an opinion. Part of it is an encouraged (socially and educationally) apathy, part of it is a willingness to let a host of laws and institution take it away from us. It is, however, rightfully ours by the Constitution and our option to peacefully regain. The nature of Obama's campaign strongly called upon a local presence and grassroot structures. I think that, given the fresh take on such processes separate from association with the crazies (usually promoting health care for ticks and a national housepet committee), the ripples will carry on in different forms and for different reasons. Could be a step towards a multi-party system, or more chances for direct democracy and bringing and interest of what goes on in goverment to the people affected who it is meant to serve.

Didn't mean for this to turn into a winding political rant, though that's the air of late. My sleep is still a bit thrown off from getting up for the debates (nothing like 4 am mental challenges!).

Expect more of the same in the next month. Expect literal interpretations of my hapless and awkward attempts at romantic contact with the opposite sex. Expect more bears (we both become slightly more ridiculous right before winter hibernation).

Edasi, вперёд..

Baltic once more, for now, once more..

More to emerge soon, edging towards clarification on .. just about.. most things I could elaborate on that I've put off in a while! Tactility comes with the fog and rain..

Вперёд, edasi..