Northern winds (tuuled põhja poolt)

I realized that I need to rejilt my efforts in doing certain things - writing these sorts of accounts being one of them. As fall sets in and winter is flashing signs from across the room, I also need to get out and take full use of the weather allowing one to be in the elements without a head bent down from the biting wind. Time spent not sitting and making my fingers dance all-too familiar jigs with words as the applause is a time spent somewhat more creatively. However, this same sort of creation that flows now is one that is also on my forming list of positive responses. Work is also a form of devising and expressing, though one that pegs me into a specific set of results - not too specific, and actually quite too large at times - though a locking down of efforts is still the general process, and one that I feel the need to resist or break off from for several hours a day. Regardless of in what language(s) this appropriates itself in, it is a still quietly holding a beckoning eye contact.

Abstractions are often too much too-muching. I understand that I also write and phrase this paradox - still - now - in the current. That's one I can deal with. Others start to wear, become all too tiring and endlessly constant. Alright, I only really have one in mind - money. Secondly would probably come (though it should likely be first as well) bureaucracy, relating to the situation with my residency permit (which I think I still have), though that's one I'm comfortable sidelining for now as so abstract in worries and possibilities that mention of it makes my brain want to open a beer and sit by the sea. Something with which I'm happy to follow suit. Money, though, is such an abstraction which is so fundamentally accepted and necessary, washing out the basic root of the situation - I need to eat, be clean, warm and in a good mood. After following thousands of different routes and forms, this comes out to be the same thoughts in unrecognizably variant forms. Starting sometime soon, I have to allocate somewhere near/over EEK 1,000 per month to stock Tallinna Küte (Tallinn Heating)'s coffers - for what? Endlessly cycling water (which I can't control) heated up and baking the air in a small corner of my apartment? Few hours and an axe would take care of that. Likewise, I'm going to have to sign myself up for a monthly bus pass (~EEK 260) soon, replacing how I currently buy the 10-pack (EEK 90) and sit next to the clamper-dealie so that if municipal police come on board to check, I'm golden. Given, I actually stamp or clamp with no firm instigation once or twice a week, just to show my appreciation and support for continuance of the transport system. At the same time; a few hours moving and walking, whatever the weather (also a good Dionysos song), snow or rain or sun or whatever, would also take care of that. Living next to the sea would give me the view, a lake the water and fish, trees the fuel and windcover. Alright, yeah, I've been watching "Кукушка" ("Käki" in Suomi, "The Cuckoo" in worldish) again, and will probably set it up to run again sometime tonight. Not sure if I've gone on about the film here, but, let's go for it now.

It's set in Sámpi (Saamimaa, land where the Sámi people live in northern Finland, Sweden, Norway and a bit of Russia, at least those who have survived Stalin and alcoholism, which go hand in hand), where in 1944 a Finnish sniper (former university student) decides to refuse to fight, after which he is chained to a rock. At the same time as he is working on freeing himself (big spoiler: he does), a Russian (Soviet) soldier is court martialed and being driven to get shot - Russian planes mistaking the convoy for an enemy take care of that and leave him wounded on the side of the road. A Sámi woman finds the Russian soldier and drags him back to her camp, where she lives alone.. her husband was taken years earlier and she's faced with the basics of sustaining herself and the reindeer in the northern lands. The Finn finds the camp, searching for tools to get the rest of the chain off his leg. Thus the crux of the story, where none of the three speak the language of the other, but find a common realization in their humanity and the basic, constant need to survive and -live-. At one point, the Sámi woman looks at the Finn's hands and says "Your hands are soft, they're not used to men's work. Killing people isn't work." Maybe it's over-simplified, but sometimes I re-realize that I want to do work - the kind that matters and is sustainable. Alright, I also realize that the pillars of capitalism and trade are in one light or another good and provide a lot which me putting myself to the fringes of I would miss. Long-distance travel to see friends and other lands, much of what the internet offers and reading and film and music and news and beer and bread and.. yeah, lots of things that being on the edge of the world would be difficult without that recurring issue of money and earning it. At least I can say I've always 'earned' it and not just 'gotten' or 'made' it. Still, in the interest of preserving the capitalist system (which is the best anyone has found, despite the constant need to improve and develop it), I'd simply like to acknowledge this and have more. Ironic that if I had loads of money, I'd most likely use it to live a somewhat variated life - lots of elements of living basic and sustainably, and a few of the benefits of a life doused in the other mode of living.

Circles and circles and circles and circles..

Edasi, вперёд..