That one.

Approach is everything, really. I've been mulling around for some time how to let this series of thoughts come forth in words or actions; the only.. well, not 'flat' exactly - we'll say 'delay' - was in exactly this aspect. My life-friend Erinn put it into faceable reality in her blog "Planned Movements" by saying this:

Fixation (when it comes to problems) = Stagnation
Fixation (when it comes to creative thoughts) = Thick and exciting new ideas

Right on. I had a burst of the latter method of energy focus for a short period of time today. It's been a while since it atmoized together in such a form, and it left me in a peculiar state following of near-despaity in polarity (also a good name for a band, song, or shot).

Erinn's always had a fantastic way of painstakingly writing things out; documenting, order-putting, jostling things into realization. I've often flirted with the approach, bought it movie tickets and then made it pay for its own box of popcorn and take the bus back home. Today I realized that it's been a while; I should really call 'planning' back up and make some basic commitment. Like any relationship with a hope for continuity, this will take some practice and back rubs. I wrote out a list of means which I plan on undertaking in developing myself. Cultivating myself and the sphere in both my immediacy and hinterlands. Here's the basic layout:

Enda Arendamine (Personal Development.. I'll write the rest out here in continual English)

Eesmärgid (alright, starting now)

Writing - Blog (at least once per week), Articles (topics? - could be closely related with blog - language/s?), Literature (Book? Shorts?)

Proficiency of languages - New (Sámi, Swedish?, Finnish?), Upkeep (Русский), Translation and reading (Eesti) - more translating work? Blog?

That's about as far as I got.. farther, actually, as I added a bit more just now as the development rides forth. It still closely resembles my style of mental (not physical - physical ordering is a natural requirement in living spaces) organization, if that phrase even checks out logically in my case. Logic I implement; organization in a loose, person or event-oriented and often longer-term sense. This beginning of a crack at furthering myself is, of course, long-term in its element. All the same, these two designations are themselves fluid and unreliable in any sense. Probably won't be long (a few minutes ago) and I'll have left this fruitless task of time-framing to itself.

Basically I only sketched out the 'list' to momentarily clarify for myself and leave a scrap as a reminder, keeping this as a recipient of momentum. Following my near-immediate delusion when considering in what method to come at personal development, I spent a bit of time reminiscing about when I worked in a large department store and the comfort of being told what to do, having simple tasks and a simple way to cross a line through them and classify the definition of 'completion'. I absolutely prefer the job I have now (translating) and the direction it is taking to those mindless past modes of receiving necessary pieces of paper; it's the adapting which is working its way into habit. Again, I worked well at this in a university setting and this may just be the post-graduation sight-setting, regardless that it is taking shape a few years later. It's a true thing, though: meangingfullness of actions is as necessary as breathing; inhalation just is spaced out somewhat more apart.

Redirection of energy is the question at hand.. not even always 'redirection' - more a refocusing, a refining, a tweaking, a resurge in the bubbling tide pool. I've felt as though my productivity has been in and out of that tide pool and know that sometime soon it will hit the current again. Re-enter the question of time.. less a question, more of a determination. Part of this lies in my own doings, hence the list and the brief frenzy of expectation that if I start taking action immediately it could be tomorrow that accomplishment takes a firmer footing. Possibly so. Worth the effort; most things are.

Edasi, вперёд..