-7 C on ju soe kui koos lumega..

Nii.. so, first off (esimest) a translation (tõlge) of the last post (I don't know that one and I'm not about to look it up).

I was moaning a bit about not speaking eesti keelt (Estonian).

Covers that. On not speaking, it's slightly double sided as well. I don't, and can't as often as would be comfortable (i.e., all the time.. kõik aega). There are the basic obstacles of vocabulary and grammar to things, along with the simple ease and relative speed of coming across in English (I've complained about the mere ability here before). Even as I hear myself speaking, I realize the array of words which I could have said eesti keeles. I feel a bit awkward (though I am more comfortable with that) splicing in half and half (more like twenty percent and eighty five percent); much like the structure of that sentence. Even the bits which I more often now attempt to carry across explicitly in eesti keeles are met with a tilted head, caught breath, furrowed brow.. after which I usually repeat in English, the accent for which I can roughly maintain. If I become more obstinate in life, it will be due to my increasing refusal to respond to anything in English, and inherent refusal to sound pleasurable or as intelligent due to these barriers. Faaaantastic.
I believe that tomorrow is my first -real- day at -work-.. using 'believe', as I have no idea what time I would be expected at the 'office' ('room with a desk'), or, still, what 'provisionally' means. I hope that in the English dictionary that I do not have here, the word 'provisional' is followed by 'still paid and provided with a press card and a visa'. Someone with the proper resources should check on that one for me.
Finished my first article, however unsure I am about my freelance status. It's.. well.. coming from me, crap. The materials which I scraped together to construct it are really great and have potential for a spectacular article; two interviews from alternate ends of the Estonian film industry and offering dual perceptions of optimism and frustration, with the optimistic side even addressing the perceived problems of the cynical view. If I could take that and put it in a box, shake it around, and have a finished article.. spectacular. Fuck this having to write it myself as well. Doesn't feel like my job. I am also a bit unsure about doing all of this -as- a job. It could be the post-graduation settling into a tract and responsibility demanded from a different source, though I'll see how it all plays out. At the same time that I am feeling that out, I question the amount of effort that I want to put into anything that wouldn't be a possible full-out career. Something that after I pleasantly devote myself to for years (people who get divorced because they are 'too busy' with work just can't deal with polygamy. What.), I 'retire' to some northern island that I own and farm reindeer off of my pension, while providing consultations online for beer money. If you can dream it, you can do it (unfortunately I'm not wearing enough glitter to say that with full emphasis now).
So.. I am actively searching for another position, and might have an interview this week with the US Chamber of Commerce in Estonia (Eestis). The open position is Marketing and Design Coordinator. Sounds a bit.. well.. Carlson, though the 'design' bit intrigues me. Along with that, it is a semi-government type agency, which follows into the broader direction of my current acquired experiences of drinking and speaking foreign languages.
I planned more to write in a bit on walking through ghostly deserted and crumbling Soviet behemoths along the sea.. though.. that is its own stream in soon time. Through the winding avalanche of rusted and crooked stairs, over snow and vines clawing down silent railroads, then concrete flat and glowing faintly with frost in empty space (silenced by ice resting along the shore).. spilling into pure emptiness itself, where lights hang faintly between the dark sky and darker waves. Mmmm.. jah, varsti sellest.

Edasi..