Sorting, and the sort.

..and now for the inglise keelne version of my thoughts. This has been coming around less quickly recently, and while oft lacking in as much depth (due to sõnastiku restraints.. mmmrrr.. vocabularic? Those involving vocabulary?), is thoroughly enjoyable and stimulating.

I've slightly mentioned before (I know, this describes about 94% of my blog content) the current issue of 'reluctance' in which I've been treading. I want to stress again, as a general disclaimer, that this is in no way a feeling of repellence from my home of the Cities. Enough other posts have cleared that out as a possibility, especially through the thick of doubt concerning my life choices a good 10 months ago. Then again 8 months ago. Not forgetting to mention the one at around 6 months, and varied moments of gradually increasing increments.

Quick break to mention an important discovery: the first Estonian beer that I've enjoyed which keeps its head! It might be the maritime climate, or the local historical claim of '700 years of slavery,' though whatever it is, the lack of emancipation given to a creamy top on õlu (beer) brewed within the territorial claims of Eesti is highly noticeable. Let it be known, that Puls Jõulu (Christmas) 'Legend' defies this law of brewed physics here! That is all.


Back into it. I've attempted (miserably) to express to others in at least three different langauges the intricacies of the 'push-pull' factors here. I've got overriding 'pulls' towards Minneapolis, and those towards Tallinn have (vaid viimasel ajal) grown over a precarious balance of slight indifference. That's the wrong word.. underlying attractions and inexplicable draws have, since my first moments here in 2006, peppered intrigue with the language, people and land. A lack of tactile definites and, moreso, confidence in myself being here hinged it in the period of back-and-forthishness which so often decorated rants throughout the spring and then on and off in the summer. One element I overlooked (and in rash times forgot) was the length of time generally and naturally taken for adjustment. If I chose to study in California for a masters, I'm sure it'd be the same or worse (I also doubt I would hold more than a transitional level of patience with living there). Overall, it's a respectable period of time that is rarely avoidable. It's fascinating, and somewhat of a trip, following up on Erinn's blog, 'Planned Movements,' accessible through the 'Dancing on Maple Leaves' located on the left side of the cabin next to other emergency exits from my blog. Erinn is a long-time close friend who recently moved to the northern neighborhood of Canada. Integration into a culture that is so strongly entrenched in maple syrup would be a bit much for me, I fear, and I'm proud of the progress she's made so far.


A similar stream of this reluctance now, I feel, comes from making it through so many of these ups and downs of doubt, and then the timing of moving to Minneapolis (I avoid saying moving 'back' because this, I also warn, is merely the next stage of the next stage, with many more of such goings and arrivals to come). Doubt is low about the spot I've strenuously carved out here for myself. This is probably better, as I will be going with a bit of assurance already precluding my return. Had I fully broken out in the fall, ties would remain, however with different forms and material of thread, with less intricacy of the binding, with musings in the place of what is now a grasp of belonging.


Here is home. Minneapolis is also home. I am part of two geographically separate rahva seltskonnaid. Different senses, different lengths and social ties, though in all it is positive and, while bittersweetly tinged, especially fulfilling.

And all reinforced by the remaining millimeter of foam (that's some metric for you) resting atop the Jõulu Legend. Swirls of this and that, only slightly comprehendable in the flit of a moment at hand. All calls for another pint close, the thoughts of blue eyes, and some quality time once more taking in The Life Aquatic. A sip for those at home, another sip for a particular architect in the making at here-home, and still two more for the ground and water and roots under all.

Edasi, вперёд..