Here is there is here (Siin on seal on siin)

Niiiiiii..

Paris is one of the most beautiful cities that I have ever wandered and indulged. Saying any more would force me to exhibit public displays of affection. I'll save reminiscing here for some quiet moments, candlelit and with soft jazz seeping through the background.

Being in the States so far is almost inexpressibly strange. I alternate between a dreamlike state wondering if living in Eesti really happened, to confusion and an awkward detachment from my surroundings. It's great being back in Minneapolis, absolutely fulfilling with the few friends I have been able to connect with so far (highly expecting some more delayed meetings!), and in all, a bit much for my head at the moment! I feel as though the excuses of jet lag over the 8-hour time gap have slipped me.. adaptation to that came somewhat quickly minus some mild insomnia and fatigue. Settling is, for now, appearing in the near-impossible. I'm here and there around couches and will be rolling around that way for the next few weeks. Upon fully moving back, I've decided that a fully rented, ready-to-move-in apartment is absolutely necessary for first stop. Hospitality abounds (even making it somewhat difficult to plan where and for how long to stay), though without a separate space and the weight of keys in my pocket.. it's difficult to process anything.

I've also reaffirmed how ridiculous and arcane mobile phone systems are in the States. To illustrate:

Europe: Go to store (produce or otherwise), find SIM card packages at counter, purchase, put in a phone, dial number to activate. The money spent on the SIM card is then on the phone (т.е. 40 kroon spent means free SIM card and 40eek credit) incoming calls logically do not cost you anything, texting is ridiculously cheap, and the entire cost for a month of calling might be $20 or $30, relatively.

U S of A: Go to store (say, Target). Try to explain to salesperson that you don't want to buy a phone with the card in it. Explain to salesperson further that, in order to use a calling card, you need a phone with ability to call. Reaffirm that you don't want to buy that phone with the card in it. Explain where Europe is. Shake head. Start explaining again. Give up. Go to second store specific to a phone company. Explain situation. Wait for idiot to ask other salesperson. Success! Other salesperson confirms. Wait for idiot to tie shoe and balance red ball on nose for small fish, while other salesperson tries to explain how to sell card, then follows up to make sure that idiot takes my money, and that idiot finally gets sent away to 'help' other wandering people. Pay $25 for charge-up card (if salesperson cares little enough about job and life to charge the recommended $10 for SIM card), struggle with phone to pick up service in metropolitan area. Once service can intermittently be attained, hope that new SIM card has not deleted all old numbers from phone and start putting local numbers in for first calls. Begin placing calls, and just as immediately halt frequency, after discovering that each minute costs 25 cents, incoming and outgoing, as well as the realization that even leaving a voicemail for someone depletes your balance by at least 50 cents. Curse uselessness of company, system, life, deities, apricots, and any other unresponsive objects in near area. Replace SIM card with European card, which continues to allow cheap text messaging. Rue the day.

More or less.

It is grand to be back though, and I do miss the atmosphere here.. the openness, the warmth. The innate 'need' of random people I hear is somewhat repulsive, as are several consumer-based things here and there (do seasonally themed interior decoration gift stores really have any justifiable purpose in any society?!). In all, though, they are the sort of things which over life I had already come to deal with (just tuned out through experience) and am now just freshly battered with once more (uuesti). The full move-back in a few months will be positive (and uncompromisingly strange)!

Already, and I'm sure over the next few weeks and then again when I move back this winter, I'm experiencing this odd sense of 'reimmigration'. Not sure if unfamiliarity of many things is the only thing behind it.. Not sure if I'm just so used to feeling like a foreigner that even here I automatically refocus on aspects of my own differences in regards to social and physical surroundings. I'm unleashed. Wondering if I'm doomed (or lucky enough) to always be somewhat removed from a stable 'here'. Being back in the Cities for the few days has made me miss Minneapolis so much more, while paradoxically causing to come to light feelings of possible comfort living in another completely different place.. Say, for my masters, somewhere else in Scandinavia or northern Europe? Another place, another (warmer) culture, another language, another city? It could be merely shaken, temporarily fresh unsettled feelings here, or just the yearn for something farther and deeper. No idea. Friends and the place once more feel as a comfort, and a reassurance that even after time they remain. The question of how long it would take and how much involvement would be required for it to become, once more, 'my' scene is intriguing and unsettling at the same time. Another turn, another road. What continues to intrigue through it all are the spaces untrod between the roads.

For now..

Edasi, вперёд..