Meie natukene algemined meeled.. (Insomnic Ramblings..)

It's been a good hour or two blaming an array of things on my lack of sleep, when somehow I became wrapped in the need to post a digression on the human soul and such.. usual response to jetlag and slight dehydration.
Actually, I came around to thinking on a comprehension of life, and how we are rooted in a primitive conception of size.. no matter the abstract or completely illusory qualities of such. So.. right, the obvious means by which I came to tossing this around is moving across countries. There is a slight fear, not so much for myself of the action, though of slighter steps along the way (a return flow of income (I'm all for helping the Baltic economies.. though.. help mine..), resident status and said visa which precludes this, setting up a bank account and getting the sweet European card with the chip on it (although only a more dramatic form of debiting), jne). Even a city, or at least the parts not fully explored, contribute to this mental preoccupation with size. Subsequently when things are 'mastered' or at least figured out to a point that it doesn't look like you are a first year university student learning how to use silverware, it is as if 'size' shifts in dual form. Fear or unfamiliarity 'diminishes' as you 'rise to expectations' or the 'occasion' or whatever (stop laughing, Kim.. this is serious). Progressing and gaining a semi-distinguished (though often still laughable) position or grasp on your situation depends largely on your conception of what is bigger and more dominant. Aside of whatever various significant others may claim while getting up and leaving the room to 'Just get some tasty water', size does matter.
Again, this is all process though. University was at one time bigger (at least undergrad.. eh.. Global Studies department..), until one may take some kicks, have some temporal victories and slowly learn when to make moves and when. Conceptually, a challenging entity has been subdued, and we then move onto the next saber-toothed tiger to seem larger than. The slight excitement of danger before this is reflex, though possibly unavoidable. I mean, you still need that bigger club. And then some metal stuck into the club. And next atomic fission to make the club decimate. Holding to the irony of life, however, the smaller particles which you may disperse the adversary into sometimes then become the issue themselves (Chernobyl demonstrates, however, that just ignoring things for long periods also has its benefits), along with the next giants. So all there remains is to furiously launch ourselves higher, and hope that the next lessened bits of problems trump, or at least provide a good cock fight, with those previous.
Sense? Little, as this progresses. However, it has given me a bit of initiative to take a proverbial club to this couch I am attempting to sleep on and beat it into comfortable submission.
Edasi..