Põgus (transient).

Summer is at hand, fresh news abounds, and as such, my posting here has been somewhat scarce.

I have a new jalgrattas (bike).. well, new meaning it was made in Germany sometime in the 70's.. named Лайка (Laika). All those unaware may check Wikipedia for the Russian historical reference.

We (meaning myself in the same boat as Tuuliki) have also bought a paat (small inflatable, rowable raft.. get the pun?!) and already made a few trips on it. First was on the sea, which was incredibly calm until a good meter out, when we made discoveries to the absolute seaworthiness of its form. Gained the name 'Laineke' (little wave) from the maiden voyage, and our near hypothermia. Took it down Pirita jõgi (Pirita river) yesterday, on the way to the sea. Three hours and almost made it.. handles rapids well, though being a raft and not a canoe as I am used to, somewhat interesting to steer. Thunderstorm and a necessary portage put a pause on the voyage (plus having to work), though it will come to completion.

We have around 40 salat plants and 15 basilika growing on the balcony. I want to eat them. Now.

Tori's coming. If Falklanders don't eat her first. That means Soome on Saturday!I know what you're thinking: that oddly looks like Estonian President Toomas Hendrik Ilves and King Juan Carlos I of Spain, and their wives Evelin Ilves and Queen Sofia are problably close behind, and it seems like its right outside of Saiakang kohvik (where I work), and that, well, Aadam probably made cappuccino/espresso machiatto milk for them when they stopped in. Well, you're oddly correct. This time.

Sun is up until 1 and the breeze is warm.. that means an entire post on trip plans using every possible device supporting mobility!

Seems a good close for this Twitter-style update. Like I wrote: breeze is warm.. beer and park before work places the Shiraz trump on the like of it all. Sõna (word).

Edasi, вперёд..

A.

Kevad schmedad (Spring.. schming?).

Uffah.

I feel as though I contain a tumbling bluster of news-ish and straight unconnected statement-ish items that would fold nicely into a post such as this. I've been far too uninformative and very much wound this way and that. Given that I'm sort of procrastinating before going for a run (first of the year, if you don't count the running every day as a slave to peoples' consumerist whims), this post probably won't account for anything much and is a run-up in the up-running to upping and/or wakeboarding my way through expression. Have at it. News style.

Job is job. Work dominates an abundance of time (topped out at 78 hours a few weeks back), and time not working becomes guilt. Haige (sick), eh?

Apartment is fantasticalicrious. Brilliant, if you prefer a real word. Still in the same place as was nearing a year back (Soviet stack with no maple syrup, just pigeon refuse). Tuuliki bought drapes (just in time, as the sun is rapidly laying a smack-down on the night already) and we spent a morning moving furniture, so the place very much looks and feels like minu, like mine. Problem: far too expensive. Landlord is demaning prices the same as of, well, one year back. Before the housing bubble became a crater (to go off-topic, the big non-economic news of late was a meteorite falling through ice in a lake. Woozah!). To illustrate, when putting in the same statistics for my apartment as now (34 m2, backwoods of Lasnamäe (the Russian-language dominated banlieue, about a 25 minute bus ride to downtown), no washing machine, one room, and with keskküte (central heating) that amounts to an additional 1/3 of rent, or in laymans terms, an ass-intrusion, in the winter), the majority of apartments which show up for the same terms also show up with nearly 1/3 of the price per month. I've tried to debate with friendly, slightly racist and sexist though very accomodating in a landlord position, Dima, to no avail. Wait, avail was begotten. 500 kroon discount from rent. When I talk about places being a third of the price, I'm already using that figure. One more month for debate, and then it's off to a different section of the city, with all 2-3 boxes of my posessions in tow. Plus the bottle of Leedu (Lithuanian) herbal liquor, Läti (Latvian) herbal liquor, Vana Tallinn (Eesti liquor), ginger wine, Baileys (Tuuliki oma), and two bottles of vodka in the freezer. Respectable!

Tuuliki. Well, everything in this circle of the sky is fantastic. We spent a weekend in Tartu early last month and are sending warning flares over Soome signaling our imminent arrival for a day, most likely laupäev (Saturday). Few hours on the ferry, then IKEA and H&M will know our presence. Hoping to score a car as well to see some non-Helsinki, which I also assume will not be closed for business this time around (see posts from a year ago if you demand explanation of the woeful tale). Also scouting out possbilities of heading to Vladimir via Peter sometime in summer, where she has a dacha-dwelling grandmother knitting rugs. Thus the vodka in the freezer, to start training for over a week's time back in Russia. Поехали!

I'll throw in some more lines about types such as Allan and Nadja, Kaarel and Tomm and Markus and Kertu and Anneli and Karolina and on forth and so with be thus for .. I forget what prepositions mean any more. In short, there's good hanging with good people here at long last as well.

Tori's making her way here in May/June. I expect travel proposals and schedules from many more people heading this way as stat as stat may allow!

Far more to come. More or less in inglise keel, and much much less coherent.

Edasi, вперёд..

А.

Põrandal . (väikese luuletus)

istusin köögis

põrandal

jõhvikajoogipakk käes

pesumasin valgus

mingi sinine

lülitas sisse

mõtlesin,

ilus.

kõik

kuidas ise pannud

tahaks ka

'creativity'

nii lihtsalt

sisse lülitada.



A.

..edasi, вперёд..

Nagu .. nagu õunakõlarid (like apple-speakers)!

Nii.

A realization of late is that a very decent portion of my daily life is run in the mode of .. yes .. the popular party perpetrator know as 'Catchphrase'.

Päriselt (really)! It's actually quite enjoyable, while at times aggravating (especially if the conversational partner is worse at it than a vodka-enhanced Пётр Столыпин (Pyotr Stolypin). That's right; he's not even alive.). Nearly every complex attempt at phrasing often turns into a timed adventure. Timed, given how much I really care about expressing it or how long the other person really can stand listening to my jumbled, hand-accentuated tirades of slightly off-beat words. Adventure, as you find the farthest, least coherent and least used roads towards finding a likewise less-used word or phrase.

For example, I may start talking about how I need to buy/make (curses) drapes for my apartment in place of the decorational saran wrap (i.e. lace) curtains now in place. Problem: I don't know/remember the word for 'drapes', 'curtains', or anything similar. Closest I can fit is something like 'varjad' .. things that shade another thing (as in 'vihmavarjad,' or, 'umbrellas'). Let's say I offer out the 'varjad' option, garnished with some sped-up garnishing about it being in my room in my apartment. With the exception of Tuuliki, who is amazing at pulling out some sort of logic in my salt-water jumble of a sentence, most meet the arrival of such an explanation with blank stares and a sip of coffee, if a mug of coffee be in their hand. Thus erupts a momentous and cascading assortment of variations and semi-related detail: made of kangas (fabric), hangs from the wall or ceiling in front of a window, something I really need to invest in before the quick-approaching summer and the start of daylight somewhere around 2 or 3 am and when I have wishes of effectively sleeping somewhat past that time. At long last, the long-hunted word, familiar or not, questioningly emerges.. 'kardinad??'. As it's often an entirely new word to my patchwork of vocabulary and expletives, I repeat it and often go forward, regardless of if I can confirm or deny (it's actually on a good 90-something procent of the time.. the rest of the time, it just makes for the explanation being more interesting and odd). Then on to the next cycle of roundabout specifism!

Fantasticistic, if you ask me somehow.

More on the here and there's, the who and how's to come. Tulebgi ikka.

Tõlkimine tuleb.. või midagi ise oma mõttedes. Ma ei viitsi nii palju inglise keeles kirjutada, või rääkida, või mõtleda üldse. See mulle väga meeldib. Kirjutan siis kõigist veel, ka.. oma reis Tuulikiga, mu soovist hoopis rohkem reisida, mis on reisimine, mis on mis, kuidas on kuidas ja kus või kuhu see kõik jalutab.

Edasi, вперёд..

Külmatuule.

Noh, nii. It's been a bit since any last bits of incoherencies have scattered themselves across these pages. It's been a shorter bit since the official mark of the sünnipäev (birthday) has occurred. What would logically follow in streaming text form would either be an update or a long and theoretically endless reflection on one or many things. I'll go for neither. Or bits of both. Or some cake and beer. Most likely the latterish.

The shifting of light is fantastic, though odd, on the way back toward the summertime dominance of daylight. I very often feel like I accomplish too little, that my list of 'tehtud asjad' (done things) that can be sorted from the day is often even lacking the title. True, it probably is shorter and less detailed than it could be. It's also much easier right now to at least temporarily blame it all on the extension of hours during which printed text is somewhat visible for more than a pair of hours. In that thinking, when it was dark and I was able to scratch out at least one identifiable area of 'progress' from the mid-section of the day, the quick approach of evening pushed things ahead and I felt as though the workable, productive part of the day was brushed up. With further edging in of daylight from both sides and the approach of much, much more, I suddenly feel like the one or two things actually knuckled into place is met with mitu veel tundi (so many more hours) of .. whatever seems to fill that space. I'll soon either become comfortable with the fact that I have, and allow myself to enjoy, 'free time', or I'll dive into increased levels of caffeine and actually implement the active part of the word 'motivation'. Developing a balance of both would also probably be fulfilling. Not very different from the sense of satisfaction that may be derived from cake and beer.

Here's the part where I drone on about the oddities and uneasy feelings rippling through everywhere (including here) as a result of the majanduse kriisi (economic crisis). Well, fair enough. It's my form of expressing the minimalism which may be appreciated, especially in such times. Sobib.

Kas meri peegeldab taevase värvi, või ongi teistpidi?

Does the sea reflect the colour of the sky, or vice versa?

Las, et see küsimus lihtsalt riiputab..

Edasi, вперёд..

Õige..

Sõnad ja tunded.. või, täpsem, kindlused. Õige.

I can't rule out that mild aversion to expression in English is behind the latest long stretch between posts. No problems with the language itself, and I can still say that I type faster (and more grammatically correct) with a wider range of vocabulary, though .. it's just so much more comfortable now to wake up, conduct a day, and fade back to unconsciousness with a non-Indo-European language flowing and expanding in full consciousness at every second.

Ma olen ka tegelenud oma ajaga teiste asjadega.. ja ühe armasa inimesega.. haha!

It was odd being back in the States. Although I had great times at every turn with even greater friends, somehow in the gaps between these hanging-outings I felt constantly uncomfortable and bored. So bored, I considered eating an entire pack of Twizzlers and watching Lost from start until what's going on 'now' (in quotations.. because.. what is 'now' in Lost?! Whoooaaaaa.. haha. Fair enough; I will not let this blog become a commentary on That. Facebook will suffice). It took a bit of analyzing to seed out where this 'boredom' emerged from, why I intrinsically felt that a day at the zoo wouldn't really solve it. Given, yes, a day at the zoo would result in me being frozen to a frozen banana or jumping into a tiger pit just because 'those striped bastards should really be sharing all that warm fur'.. Minneapolis in winter is sort of like an extreme sport that I enjoy saying I've done, and am not averse to enjoying for what it is, but what I don't want to be doing all day all of the time for about 4 months. However, I could extreme kayak for that long. Hmmmm.. Yes, indeed..

The trip did much to sharpen definition of what, where, and what surrounds kodu ('home') for me now.

Minu kodu onju Eesti. Olen nii rõõmus, ja põnev, et ma saan seda kindlalt ja tugeva häälega öelda välja!

Kodu is not just a fully relaxed, lying-in-the-shade-being-massaged-by-tropical-penguins sort of thing. It includes, and is often defined by, challenges.. every day for the stretch of every day. Linguistically, culturally, and in a range of other forms that I'm not going to attempt to express.. that is here. This is mu kodu. Eestimaa.

Furthermore, if anyone was all down on the death of hip-hop, worry not! I recently found out that, yes, it lives on.. precisely, between the fifth and sixth floors of Mahtra 38, second trepikoda (stairway). Sõna (word).

Juured kasvavad. Roots are expanding.. I'm fighting with the constant deficiencies of the TeleYks online application system to start my mobile number as being on contract. This month, I get to officially declare my wages and reap in the rewards of a return (all while watching the doom garnished with gloom on every newspaper front page, discussing, for a start, how 20% of economic reserves were used up.. in november. Whoo! Raha!). I obtained a Kodakonsuse keeleeksaami õpik. An IKEA trip taking myself and Tuuliki into the depths of ex-urbs Helsinki is once again coming near, though this time most likely seeing me carry somewhat less than 45 kilos back on foot. I'm also going to buy one of those dealies that organizes your silverware in the drawer. Really. Päriselt.

This is the first drop or few in the continued väljendus (outwarding) of everything connected with this and here, them, and me, and her. Referencing a brilliant film referencing life itself (right before the big fade-in of the song 'Queen Bitch' by Bowie, no less!), I'll just say.. this is an adventure.

See onju seiklus.

Edasi, вперёд..

Directions. Igale poole.

Many väljendeid (phrases) in several languages are peppering through my head, as leaves caught in undercurrents of water, swirling and cascading and then breaking across the surface. All are attempts to start off a complicated digression. While thus so utterly enjoyable.

Be that as it may..

Suffice to say..

All really just foreplay to the breath and determined first words of an ever forming and tangilating (that's my word, at 4 kroon per use) set of movements and conditions.

Mu reis (eriti sellest, et see mõte tähendab reis) tagasi on väga tähtajaline.

I've been through formulating out the words and backgrounds to that one for a while, so not as strenuous to express.

Мой отпуск обратно в Минниаполис совершенно временный.

Taken with a sip and a nod as well. Given that my abilities in Suomi to express things barely extends beyond selling liquour and bottled gin tonic drinks to our intoxicated northern friends, I'll go for the challenging one.

My trip back to Minneapolis is seeped in a crescendoing determination of duration.

That was to be expected, though the centrum of this has shifted closer. Most likely it will overtake the few weeks in the fall, though not by much. I have an apartment, and will now set out to find someone who can valiantly fulfill my obligations with such demands. Employment in the Cities remains blank, which by the mere fact that I am not thoroughly worried over such, is in its own a convenience. I don't own any furniture (anywhere, really). My teekann (tea..pot?) is already here. All takes in.

There are several digressions as to the whys and the hows. One is a continuing mode of expression. One's name is Tuuliki.

In the near lights of the present is a highly anticipated visit to Minneapolis-home with the closest of friends. Indulgence in dusty government documents running up to a possible running-at the FSE in veebruar. This and that, here and here and around. Exhilaratingly forward.

Edasi, вперёд..

Sisse ja välja ja ..

I've been breathing deeply as of late, enjoying the height of oxygen into my lungs and the heightened sense of everything which surrounds. A swooping step approaches, garnished with the depth of conjoined bitter and sweet. The approach is however severed from what pulses as present, at which each and every second I grasp and intake with a breath. A breeze of assuredness rifles around. A warmth of lingering embraced sidelong inhalation rahuldab, the coordinated movement with waves in a drifting boat.

Edasi, вперёд..

Sorting, and the sort.

..and now for the inglise keelne version of my thoughts. This has been coming around less quickly recently, and while oft lacking in as much depth (due to sõnastiku restraints.. mmmrrr.. vocabularic? Those involving vocabulary?), is thoroughly enjoyable and stimulating.

I've slightly mentioned before (I know, this describes about 94% of my blog content) the current issue of 'reluctance' in which I've been treading. I want to stress again, as a general disclaimer, that this is in no way a feeling of repellence from my home of the Cities. Enough other posts have cleared that out as a possibility, especially through the thick of doubt concerning my life choices a good 10 months ago. Then again 8 months ago. Not forgetting to mention the one at around 6 months, and varied moments of gradually increasing increments.

Quick break to mention an important discovery: the first Estonian beer that I've enjoyed which keeps its head! It might be the maritime climate, or the local historical claim of '700 years of slavery,' though whatever it is, the lack of emancipation given to a creamy top on õlu (beer) brewed within the territorial claims of Eesti is highly noticeable. Let it be known, that Puls Jõulu (Christmas) 'Legend' defies this law of brewed physics here! That is all.


Back into it. I've attempted (miserably) to express to others in at least three different langauges the intricacies of the 'push-pull' factors here. I've got overriding 'pulls' towards Minneapolis, and those towards Tallinn have (vaid viimasel ajal) grown over a precarious balance of slight indifference. That's the wrong word.. underlying attractions and inexplicable draws have, since my first moments here in 2006, peppered intrigue with the language, people and land. A lack of tactile definites and, moreso, confidence in myself being here hinged it in the period of back-and-forthishness which so often decorated rants throughout the spring and then on and off in the summer. One element I overlooked (and in rash times forgot) was the length of time generally and naturally taken for adjustment. If I chose to study in California for a masters, I'm sure it'd be the same or worse (I also doubt I would hold more than a transitional level of patience with living there). Overall, it's a respectable period of time that is rarely avoidable. It's fascinating, and somewhat of a trip, following up on Erinn's blog, 'Planned Movements,' accessible through the 'Dancing on Maple Leaves' located on the left side of the cabin next to other emergency exits from my blog. Erinn is a long-time close friend who recently moved to the northern neighborhood of Canada. Integration into a culture that is so strongly entrenched in maple syrup would be a bit much for me, I fear, and I'm proud of the progress she's made so far.


A similar stream of this reluctance now, I feel, comes from making it through so many of these ups and downs of doubt, and then the timing of moving to Minneapolis (I avoid saying moving 'back' because this, I also warn, is merely the next stage of the next stage, with many more of such goings and arrivals to come). Doubt is low about the spot I've strenuously carved out here for myself. This is probably better, as I will be going with a bit of assurance already precluding my return. Had I fully broken out in the fall, ties would remain, however with different forms and material of thread, with less intricacy of the binding, with musings in the place of what is now a grasp of belonging.


Here is home. Minneapolis is also home. I am part of two geographically separate rahva seltskonnaid. Different senses, different lengths and social ties, though in all it is positive and, while bittersweetly tinged, especially fulfilling.

And all reinforced by the remaining millimeter of foam (that's some metric for you) resting atop the Jõulu Legend. Swirls of this and that, only slightly comprehendable in the flit of a moment at hand. All calls for another pint close, the thoughts of blue eyes, and some quality time once more taking in The Life Aquatic. A sip for those at home, another sip for a particular architect in the making at here-home, and still two more for the ground and water and roots under all.

Edasi, вперёд..

Onju.

Mina just sain teada.. kuidagi nii hiljem, aga igatahes.. et, miks ongi nii raske isegi möelda sellest, kuidas ja millal lahkun (tähtajaliselt, mäleta!). Varsti tuleb ära sõita kojunt. Teise kojunt, jah, aga samas mõtes, see on esimese kojunt ka. Kodu on kodu, ja ma oskan kaks eriti head tükkid. Siin on siin, ja seal pole siin, aga seal on seal ka.. ja üldse on juba piletid ostnud (ja lükkinud edasi, millest ka ma ei hakka rääkima).

On kõik siin, ja on kõik seal. See on see tase, mis on tähtis. Kirjutan varsti kõigi sellest.. ja veelgi.

Вперёд, edasi..

A.

Sõnaga.. ja siis veel.

Nii. Once again myself and reluctance encounter each other.

Officially it's official. Following a multiple-hour battle with Northwest Airlines (plus company of bought, I place in quotes, "insurance," on said tickets) on the tickets bought, the original price (and, apparently, strings attached), the reason for buying and circumstances behind.. jne edasi.. further tickets have been issued and I will now be arriving in the Twin Cities on 6 jaanuar. Living situations are set up with a friend of a friend (I imagine soon to be a full-class all inclusive friend) in a two-bedroom place close to Uptown. (Most) tickets are purchased. Job/studies in the works. Unnerving.

To both clear up and encourage more rumours, yes, a girl is a growing part of the prelusive feelings of reluctance at a repeat full-out move. Fate rarely coordinates with time. I doubt either uses a Blackberry. In all, it's absolutely worth difficulties though. What else really inspires motivation? More on said one and shifts and such in coming posts..

Language is daily. By no means do I intend to say that I am entirely fluent or capable of unbarriered deep interaction, though, it appears in the first moments of my thoughts in the morning and flows forth (while breaking over boulders) all elements of conversation throughout the day up until the last murmurs of drowsy musing. This is to be expanded upon.

As the illustrious Facebook profile states, ma täiesti armastan kui ilus see maalilm saab olla.

Edasi, вперёд..

Moldin.

Everyday Iceland picture courtesy Lúc

Incredible.

Yes, I feel like I emit that outwardly emotional word often after Icelandic performances, however, it's just about right. I just (randomly, as is best) käisin (mmmrr.. went.. to and hung out in) the concert (make that word interactive feeling) of (loooong sentence) Ólöf Arnalds in a small artsy drinking corner (Juuksur) here in Tallinn. Strange saying that is is one of the best shows that I have been in attendence of, though in its subtle ways it fufilled this spot. The simplicity of it all rained down beautifully (literally.. concrete bits holding up the medieval cellar ceiling were falling into hairs and drinks). After randomly shoving a floating copy of Postimees into my kott following my shift and sitting with said ajaleht and unsaid pint of beer, I saw an aricle about the performance with a special 'happening tonight' sentence attached. While calling a film-type acquaintance living in the city, I was questioned about the show, and sidewise invited along with a pair of familiar (though yet-unenjoyed) British/Scottish (new) friends.

Following conniving myself and my slightly dismembered ISIC (not ISIK, for eesti readers.. haven't been that drunk yet) through the sooduspileti hind (discount (student) ticket price), we grabbed some close spots under the contemplatively stable ceiling and took forth some drinks.

So many factors went into the show that made it the beauty of what the title 'folk' so incessently perverts - a good, in-touch musical and vocal show. Ólöf is Icelandic and carries that sense of humour, which inherently helps. Yes, humidity caused both guitars and her armadillo-ukelailie (I shit you not.. and to quote, 'It's as well of an afterlife as I can imagine') to call for constant, often mid-song tuning to commence. Yes, some assholes in the back of the room carried on laughing and chortling through the first quiet part of the show and the later, settled-in part where the bar in the connecting room started filling up and accompanying. The natural character of the music, the presentation and conversation, and the performance all weaved together, and most importantly kept it alive. From Icelandic folk through acoustic mountains (complete with her detailing mid-song where, on the album, the strings come in and then the brass band and this and that!.. for another awkwardy fantastic quote, "..and even a whole choral section comes in now.. not as beautiful, of course, as the Tallinn Choir, though.. a great group of happy people singing..") through English sea-songs and American West saloon-ballads and 1950's Swedish songs of sea-side conversations on love and loss, a storytelling and liveable experience emerged.

Complete with snowstorm following, it is a great set of moments hinganud sisse (breathing in). Music for an open road, feeling the warmth of another resting their head upon your arm.

More on the already longing glow of thus around and unspoken possibilities of possibility in phrases soon to come.

Вперёд, edasi..

Northern infatuations.

One aspect of life here that continually entrances and astounds me is the variety of cultures and lives in such a small space. I suppose that after a lengthy amount of time in any region, certain variations arise and replicate themselves, compounding over time into full-out insulated dialects and nationalities. To outsiders of the region, and even general new-comers, most of the differences remain unintelligible and often unmentioned. Languages also tend to capture their own locational references to other peoples, far separate from common English-implemented world speak. In eesti keel, for example, some of the more striking examples are Sweden (Rootsi), Lithuania (Leedu), Russian (Vene), and most prominently Estonia itself (Eesti). In the case of the country itself, it's interesting how small-people politics played at one time into a gradually increasing widespread recognition of the location. Finland (Soome, or Suomi in Finnish) shares this problem, even though it has been an independent state for some time now. Far from influential and lacking a continuous independent state, Saami people (Sámi, or Laplanders) are another culture recognized through the lens of history out of the spotlight. Given, many larger, continuous and active countries also carry a designated English title far from that in the chief language (Deutschland, also Saksamaa in eesti keel.. on a side note, check out the 'map of Germany' on the Wiki article of Germany and give me your opinion if the person posting is somewhat of an expansive nationalist missing the 1940's).

Further into the linguistic variations comes that of culture. Eesti is not just the Tallinn pealinn (capital) people.. there are many from the islands, the linguistically distant Setu people in the south (one southern region is commonly called Otepää, meaning Bear-head in Setu. If translated into Tallinn eesti keel, it would come out as Karupea), and the Võru (also a separate language), to name a few. Obviously the more locally you focus, the more tribal these differences appear and knowledge of them is kept to those in close proximity.

Something I want to explore further in Estonian language and the region in general is cultural and linguistic regard of other Fenno-Ügric peoples, especially the Sámi. I've oft wondered how I have a slightly darker skin tone when my roots (as I know them) are Irish, Swedish and Prussian. I also have mused over how northern, colder lands and climates feel comfortable and seem to pacify my disposition. Conversing just slightly with some people yesterday over this, I was pegged from my appearance and attitudes as probably being an Ingerlane (most likely misspelled, as Google is shunning me with it), which either connotes Karelians (people in the north-east area of Russia, formerly part of Suomi) or a group of people within that reindeer-herding mix.

To close abruptly and with a snap, reindeer meat is damn tasty.

Edasi, вперёд..

Мы, вновь.

So, the United States of America has once again transformed itself and transformed the perception the world may take of us. Absolutely amazing. Until I stayed up all the way up to the 8am local time mark (shortly following Obama's victory speech), I had only somewhat grasped the unimaginable importance of this election. Sitting through the ups and downs and pundit raffataff engaged in a color-by-numbers exercise carries across a sort of Christmas feel in itself. Add elements of discussion concerning national, racial, international and inter-demographic firsts, and the magic began to swell.

I took some time trying to track down a decent station to watch throughout the debate, which was somewhat harder than it should have been. Part of this could be my distance from the continental US, or even Obama's childhood palm tree state, or even our shoot-marmots-from-Apaches northern outpost. Regardless, the internet offers just about everything (Obama forgot to mention that it won the election in his speech as well), and I was able to sample somewhat. CNN offered a live stream, however it was different from the 'real' CNN broadcast by sattellite, and thus somehow allowed to be anchored by the worst fake-tanned bag of duchery I have witnessed outside of MTV in some time. I kept BBC's live text in the background, which was somewhat interesting. At a certain time, BBC World started its coverage, which in theory should have been spectacular. This opportunity for a fresh US-British approach on the matter was ultimately shut down and put on Xanax by a combined 4,000 years of age between the four pundits. It was the worst stereotype of old British gentlemen, by old British gentleman, that I have been exposed to live (using the word liberally). So, scratch that one off.

Took a while to connive my computer into showing a Comedy Central stream, in anticipation of the John Stewart/Steven Colbert Indecision 2008 broadcast. Once it came to fruition, however, I found that the special was limited to an hour long starting at 10pm Minneapolis time. I firmly believe that all-night coverage by the pair could have been worthwile, not to mention filled with a larger cast of cockatoos.

At last, I was able to hold a fragile streaming connection to MSNBC and spent the rest of the election indulging in the commentators' witty banter amongst themselves and African American guests (plus Tom Delay and the respective campaign managers). I have to say that the 'racial equality' themes and undertones implicated in the selection of our 44th president were a realized though non-deciding element of the race for myself. I, and I believe President-Elect Obama himself, take this as a monumental step, though one which is not the only cause and only motivator for the wider sense of 'change' which is just beginning to inspire and call to action our nation. In his victory speech (which I have yet to pore back over, though will address in a later post), I remember that during one of the multiple and building climaxes, Obama pointed out that we have achieved change in his election, but that this is not what the election was about itself. This is only the start of things, a moment in the wider renewal and re-realization of our fundamental constitutional principles, and we have chosen a challenging and uplifting road for ourselves.

Digressing, the crowd receiving this speech and the entire electorate which has chosen Obama did so not primarily out of racial issues. However, the immediate and resounding effects which this vote has in that very topic is humbling and unspeakable in its magnitude. Seeing the faces of several prominent and ordinary African Americans, hearing the accounts of their own astonishment and joy at the achievement of this; not a president with a special focus on African Americans, but at the achievement of greater equality.. seeing and feeling their wordless amazement and love for the ideals which are America.. well.. this is an election, a time and a movement which I and all citizens who cherish our constitutional principles and rights will never forget.

Whoo, tingly! Haha.. We the people have the electrifying ability to be awesome sometimes. Go America.

Shifting for the moment aside of political discussion, I am becoming stoked up for the (real) return once more! Importantly, an element of political fear has been removed as of yesterday, though overall the realignment of my internal compass Minneapolis-ways is charging me up. In the last few weeks I've been fighting a pull towards the dulling of motivation .. not specific to moving, but in just about any aspect including sleep. Plans with Tori to get another 2-bedroom somewhere stuttered out from this and that, though we'll probably be hanging out just as much in Bully's (with free popcorn) as we would in a shared apartment. I had sort of counted on that as a 'certainty' in my move back, which added some comfort to the general flurry of confusion still healthily carried out by job searching. Moving at any time and in any circumstances seems to promote the kind of stress that reflects when you are plagued by some minor cold, though you're not sure if you really have a cold or have just been off beat for a time, or if a real cold will actually come, or.. Whoa, I just made myself want a beer.

All things end up coming around however they will, though, and disperse stress along the way. Beer also helps that.

Между прочем, thanks to my friend Awesome-Squad Melissa Lam and her own surprise array of awesome-squad friends (squad members, really.. and yes, everyone gets a glock, except for the interns, who all share one).. I have a potential apartment-mate set up for December! Following the slightly awkward (should donate some 'musing' time to what kind of a person Kim would come off as in such a situation) Facebook exchanges confirming that the other person doesn't make multiple fake Beastie Boys videos on Youtube (always an important question) and is not a permanent cult member, we have now started getting down on the getting down of actually finding a place.

She works for the state Senate (let me know if you want me to lobby at home for any bills limiting the number of tax credits possible for promoting anthropologically-themed squirrel accapello duos.. I've got the ins now), and I only have a scattering of interviews and unresponded CVs, so we're looking to settle down around Uptown or the Selby/Grand area. I'm excited to relocate back to an area of the Cities in which I've only roamed before, though I will miss proximity to THall. On Dasher, on Dancer..

My one-night readjustment to US Eastern time and then flip back again is tapping me on the shoulder, thus I'll shade in and dimple some blanks while making more in the next few days.. This whole 'Change' thing got be so charged up that I'm ready for a nap! Haha, aaahhh.. election humor.. Well done.

I should really commit myself to writing posts in that energized period of post-morning tea and pre-post-evening-wine. Ideals.

Edasi, вперёд..

Yes, we can.

The most inspiring speech I have ever witnessed. I'll get on analyzing it following some sleep, and some warm dreams complementing those already realized in America today.

Edasi, вперёд, ahead..

A.

Рржжжжшшшшщщщщ.. or, 'Lá metamophose de Mister Chat'

How else to put it.. It's a double shower, double glass of wine sort of day.

What leads to this sort of realization is somewhat irrelevant. Everything leads to everything.. yes, a shitty cop-out, though in the grand scheme of things and the first sip of this second glass and with no pressure to elaborate, I deem it adequate.

Not to have to quote John Mayer lyrics (I hope he plagiarized these words, especially given the context), though, 'I feel a quarter-life crisis just a'stirring in my soul.'

I felt close to walking out of work today. Nothing exceptionally dramatic precluded it, minus the usual bullshit of dealing with hordes of middle-aged women as customers (no offense to any innocent intakers of this post, though given this sampling, fucking worse than underslept 5 year old children) and high-school aged, pre-high-school mentality co-(used liberally)-workers (likewise). To disclaim: this only describes about 80% of those I work with and if need be, I could identify a good .. four or five who are upstanding members of society. That might be one of my current sources of contention, though let's just move onwards.

Strangely, it's not the place that seems to be stirring up these inexplicables. I can say that, especially today, an intensely strong missing of good friends in the States came a-surfacing. If there wasn't the distance, this post would probably not have emerged and most of its content would have been mentioned and dissipated through the bottom of Oktoberfest kegs and free salted popcorn. The strong sense of friends' absence is most likely a symptom of general realigning, and one that I can comfort myself as being short-term.

Upon getting back to the States, I've got some meetings set up. Both of them are jobs which would require Russian, something I'm going to focus on primarily in the search for employment and hold as a priority. That'll steady things a bit. Feeling.. well, feeling that I'm actually contributing something to the world would be great, though even an environment separate from the basics of service is something which is crystallizing as being intensely necessary. There is a balance somewhere, and this is not it. True enough, I'm here for the language and not the job, so I can placate the situation with that fact and strive harder to concentrate on it. However, lightly put, I'm ready for a forward switch.

For all that is and has been coming forth from this, both the positives and the negatives, I want to stress my appreciation for all situations and places involved. I don't want the blog as a whole or this post to carry forth a discouraging tone.. somewhat the total opposite, really. Though it's through these waiting periods and aggravations that the other bits really seem to shine through and sort themselves out.

Vague? Yes. Exactly.

It's the pull of momentum temporarily shrouded and impatiently puling itself through. As if in a rolling fog, comfortable in the thick, and disoriented when stumbling into lighter shades.

Metaphors are insufficient, though enough to settle with for now in light of exhaustion.

On a side note, due to what was most likely the plague (not on my end), the much awaited date of mention was postponed to the end of this week. Going on about it would only serve to uselessly lay blame on unresponsive circumstance. I'll leave digression on that about there for now, and sharpen my pencils (they number two) in prolonged anticipation. Haha.. no, really, we're going to go sketch some buildings around the city and whatnot.

Enough of the undirected disconcertedness for now. Expect some general upbeatedness and positivitiveness to come.. there's nowhere else it can go (definitely not to Iceland right now)! To maintain credentials and quote out on a more widely varied, less sexually charged, nearly excessively upbeat and lower-pop-neutral source, 'Yes, we can..'

Allllright.

Wait.. can't I just blame the financial crisis?

Edasi, вперёд..

Paper under the ink.

It's taken a while to get down on the gettin' down of writing, though here it is once more! I feel as though I am mismanaging my time of freedom (i.e. time not spent behind a counter scalding myself and any Fenno-Ugric peoples near me), though maybe I'm just settling in with having a constant lack of boredom. Actually, can't really see that being a problem anytime before I'm 92 and four months old, and that would only result from me having given up on trying to understand those dang kids and their new, year 2074 model implant Wii rock electro music guitar pool tables. Although life should also be somewhat posh for the elderly at that time. I'm thinking Werther's implants.

Between blogging, language absorption (Russian through the tele and books, eesti keel though just about everything and usually involving free beer, and now the basics of Danish), a cut-back scattering of US television, BBC, Vesti, Postimees, The Economist, Naomi Wolf, Facebook, the election, sending out CV's for a Minneapolis job, contemplating grad school, sketching for a possible architecture master's portfolio, lounge music, and whatever random shit comes about (lately, finding random pictures of bears in ridiculous fashion), my adult form of progressive ADD is somewhat satisfied. Oh, I also make dinner and sleep from time to time.

Not meant to be a complaint, in any sense. I realize that I'm absolutely comfortable with it, and yearn for more time to spend on each and every one of those things. Must be a part of maturity.. insatiably dredging up all of these random things to fill your time. Enjoyably tiring. I'm somewhat apprehensive for what'll come about once I move back to Minneapolis; getting around to spend some long-needed time with a staggeringly wide range of friends will be taking priority. Second-up will probably be bashing back into Russian, as I'm hoping to land a position downtown using that skill.

It's a facet of life that took a long time and many approaches to getting used to.. that of having to downgrade the amount of time I dedicated to friends, long time and emerging, on a daily basis. Now that I have readjusted to the limited contact and being slightly outside the 'circle' (being back in the States for a month was brilliant, I have to add, and the reconnection to a highly active society, while awkward for the first few days, was reaffirmed as a central part of me), it's going to be strange once more to fully implement a refreshed structure and system around myself.

Finding someone here to settle into that a bit more with, while it could be incredibly tough and aggravating that it would only start in close proximity for the next few months, is a definite interest of mine. I've had so many false-starts in the time I've been here (girls tend to always be unavailable and static in those positions), so it's somewhat tiring and bit of a challenge. Let's just say though, that.. barring any fucking sünnipäevad (birthdays).. neljapäev (Thursday) could be a very, very great day and I'll have much more to elaborate on in the safari for a significant other. Haha.. Now just for a pith helmet and slapping myself into a somewhat presentable appearance for these so-called date anomalies..

Onto something just as engrossing.. I officially sent in my absentee ballot a few days back! Whoo, active participation in a political system! It's also exciting being from a state where my vote is much needed. Somewhat unsettling and scary, though exciting. I've also been revving myself up as of late with Naomi Wolf's new book, Give Me Liberty. Enjoyable to read something that I have shifting and conflicting feelings toward. An important aspect of it I believe is that even though I'm not in agreement with everything written, it is meant to provoke an active debate in itself and to bring these issues to light. People are much more prone to lock themselves into one camp or another without taking in alternate views if they aren't exposed to them. That's a great part about America is that (in theory) we have the ability to do this, and from that we come up with a mutually beneficial common ground through peaceful means. It's very true that especially in the last decade, this practice has become somewhat discouraged and even forcefully downplayed. Something will reach a breaking point though, and the ability to use and actively exercise our right to freedom of speech will come back around with even greater meaning.

I've been thinking lately and writing a touch about how the Obama campaign has at least set up the beginnings of this refreshment of rights. This election is one of the most important in US history, and (though the word has been draped overenthusiastically upon almost everything in the last few months) a single change may give the possibility for a multitude of others. A constitutional element of our political system is this ability to change and transform how we engage ourselves and the world while holding onto our fundamental principles. It feels as though of late people are afraid to exercise these rights, even by merely holding an opinion. Part of it is an encouraged (socially and educationally) apathy, part of it is a willingness to let a host of laws and institution take it away from us. It is, however, rightfully ours by the Constitution and our option to peacefully regain. The nature of Obama's campaign strongly called upon a local presence and grassroot structures. I think that, given the fresh take on such processes separate from association with the crazies (usually promoting health care for ticks and a national housepet committee), the ripples will carry on in different forms and for different reasons. Could be a step towards a multi-party system, or more chances for direct democracy and bringing and interest of what goes on in goverment to the people affected who it is meant to serve.

Didn't mean for this to turn into a winding political rant, though that's the air of late. My sleep is still a bit thrown off from getting up for the debates (nothing like 4 am mental challenges!).

Expect more of the same in the next month. Expect literal interpretations of my hapless and awkward attempts at romantic contact with the opposite sex. Expect more bears (we both become slightly more ridiculous right before winter hibernation).

Edasi, вперёд..

Baltic once more, for now, once more..

More to emerge soon, edging towards clarification on .. just about.. most things I could elaborate on that I've put off in a while! Tactility comes with the fog and rain..

Вперёд, edasi..

Refresh (Värskendus).

--Wrote this in a sidewalk café on a Paris sidestreet. Mmmm.--

Noh.. Pariis.

I very much heart this city. It is alive, excited and entirely coexistent. It feels as though I have spent so much energy in other places to not feel as a foreigner, to not be looked upon instantly and with first breath as an outsider with everything that connotes. The city and its people are contemplative, expressive and seemingly enthralled to live amongst each other. There pervades that slight sense of aloofment, yes though interactions ride upon waves of genuinity. I enjoy the lack of English, in signs and surroundings as well as responses. The language is stunning; enforce it! Sidewalks are littered with cafes, always vibrant and reverberating with life and the soul of societé. People want to converse, wnat to fill the seams in pockets meshed with the other, spilling into the winding masses of the physical city itself. It is a warmth, a glow which emantes from each corner and face.

Merci.

Here is there is here (Siin on seal on siin)

Niiiiiii..

Paris is one of the most beautiful cities that I have ever wandered and indulged. Saying any more would force me to exhibit public displays of affection. I'll save reminiscing here for some quiet moments, candlelit and with soft jazz seeping through the background.

Being in the States so far is almost inexpressibly strange. I alternate between a dreamlike state wondering if living in Eesti really happened, to confusion and an awkward detachment from my surroundings. It's great being back in Minneapolis, absolutely fulfilling with the few friends I have been able to connect with so far (highly expecting some more delayed meetings!), and in all, a bit much for my head at the moment! I feel as though the excuses of jet lag over the 8-hour time gap have slipped me.. adaptation to that came somewhat quickly minus some mild insomnia and fatigue. Settling is, for now, appearing in the near-impossible. I'm here and there around couches and will be rolling around that way for the next few weeks. Upon fully moving back, I've decided that a fully rented, ready-to-move-in apartment is absolutely necessary for first stop. Hospitality abounds (even making it somewhat difficult to plan where and for how long to stay), though without a separate space and the weight of keys in my pocket.. it's difficult to process anything.

I've also reaffirmed how ridiculous and arcane mobile phone systems are in the States. To illustrate:

Europe: Go to store (produce or otherwise), find SIM card packages at counter, purchase, put in a phone, dial number to activate. The money spent on the SIM card is then on the phone (т.е. 40 kroon spent means free SIM card and 40eek credit) incoming calls logically do not cost you anything, texting is ridiculously cheap, and the entire cost for a month of calling might be $20 or $30, relatively.

U S of A: Go to store (say, Target). Try to explain to salesperson that you don't want to buy a phone with the card in it. Explain to salesperson further that, in order to use a calling card, you need a phone with ability to call. Reaffirm that you don't want to buy that phone with the card in it. Explain where Europe is. Shake head. Start explaining again. Give up. Go to second store specific to a phone company. Explain situation. Wait for idiot to ask other salesperson. Success! Other salesperson confirms. Wait for idiot to tie shoe and balance red ball on nose for small fish, while other salesperson tries to explain how to sell card, then follows up to make sure that idiot takes my money, and that idiot finally gets sent away to 'help' other wandering people. Pay $25 for charge-up card (if salesperson cares little enough about job and life to charge the recommended $10 for SIM card), struggle with phone to pick up service in metropolitan area. Once service can intermittently be attained, hope that new SIM card has not deleted all old numbers from phone and start putting local numbers in for first calls. Begin placing calls, and just as immediately halt frequency, after discovering that each minute costs 25 cents, incoming and outgoing, as well as the realization that even leaving a voicemail for someone depletes your balance by at least 50 cents. Curse uselessness of company, system, life, deities, apricots, and any other unresponsive objects in near area. Replace SIM card with European card, which continues to allow cheap text messaging. Rue the day.

More or less.

It is grand to be back though, and I do miss the atmosphere here.. the openness, the warmth. The innate 'need' of random people I hear is somewhat repulsive, as are several consumer-based things here and there (do seasonally themed interior decoration gift stores really have any justifiable purpose in any society?!). In all, though, they are the sort of things which over life I had already come to deal with (just tuned out through experience) and am now just freshly battered with once more (uuesti). The full move-back in a few months will be positive (and uncompromisingly strange)!

Already, and I'm sure over the next few weeks and then again when I move back this winter, I'm experiencing this odd sense of 'reimmigration'. Not sure if unfamiliarity of many things is the only thing behind it.. Not sure if I'm just so used to feeling like a foreigner that even here I automatically refocus on aspects of my own differences in regards to social and physical surroundings. I'm unleashed. Wondering if I'm doomed (or lucky enough) to always be somewhat removed from a stable 'here'. Being back in the Cities for the few days has made me miss Minneapolis so much more, while paradoxically causing to come to light feelings of possible comfort living in another completely different place.. Say, for my masters, somewhere else in Scandinavia or northern Europe? Another place, another (warmer) culture, another language, another city? It could be merely shaken, temporarily fresh unsettled feelings here, or just the yearn for something farther and deeper. No idea. Friends and the place once more feel as a comfort, and a reassurance that even after time they remain. The question of how long it would take and how much involvement would be required for it to become, once more, 'my' scene is intriguing and unsettling at the same time. Another turn, another road. What continues to intrigue through it all are the spaces untrod between the roads.

For now..

Edasi, вперёд..